Depression is a serious condition and unfortunately there isn’t a simple straightforward fix for it. Thankfully there is becoming more awareness of it although still not enough and admittedly we haven’t touched on it until now. Not because we don’t want to but simply because it’s not our field of expertise. That being said, this post will no doubt resonate with a lot of people and hopefully help them realise the importance of talking to someone rather than keeping their thoughts and feelings inside.
This post is not written by us but instead written by a friend of mine who has been through the dark times and even attempted suicide.
Although none of us at Precision Wellbeing are psychotherapists or counselors we are always willing to listen if you wish to talk to someone, so don’t be embarrassed by it, we are here to help.
Anyway let me introduce Dan’s story;
“Today is an important day in my life and will remain so forever. One year ago today, I decided that I didn’t value my life enough to keep going anymore and made a serious attempt to end it.
I have never openly spoken about my mental health for the same reason that most men don’t but I hope that by me being open about it, it will help other people that are suffering to seek the help they need or at least talk to somebody.
Depression is a term that is overused by the majority today and this is why I believe the ones who are seriously affected do not speak out and instead choose to paint on a smile and attempt to fight it alone. At this point let me say that the best way to combat depression is to talk and not attempt to fight it alone. Find somebody who you can trust, somebody that will not judge you and open up. It will give you more strength than anything else you could try. If there is nobody close to you that could handle this, there are professionals that are just a phone call away. Supporting Minds are a non-profit organisation that you can speak to and they will start the ball rolling to give you the necessary support. Call 01253 955700.
I have suffered since I was 15 years old and in the back of my mind I always thought it would ultimately beat me. I had thoughts of suicide many many times but no real attempts. I can’t say what brought my depression on but I have my own theories and I certainly believe it is due to the environment you are in or events in your life. You are not born that way. On the same note, I also believe if you suffer with a bad case, you more than likely will never fully recover. Much like the common cold, you can get ‘better’ but you’ll inevitably catch a cold again.
So a year ago I was in a dark place. I did my best to paint on my smile and pretend to the world I was doing well. I was fast crumbling though and starting to shut myself off from the world and enter my ‘bubble’. I call it my bubble because it’s where I go when it gets really bad and in my bubble nothing on the outside is real nor matters. It gives me the best chance of concentrating on myself but unfortunately shuts out any external help. This was my most aggressive spell and I soon lost grip on reality and turned to medication to take me out of the world. To calm my stress, worries and anxiety.
I quickly developed an addiction to Valium and was taking in excess of 200mg in one hit several times a day. I was truly in self destruct and the one person who could help me I had completely shut out. I can look back and see just how powerful it was and it was going to win. I basically created a situation where I couldn’t function on my own and then pushed the only person who could take care of me away. This is when I gave up. Now the ones who spout shit like it’s selfish and what about your son etc. Sure I feel bad now but it’s not even real by this point. You are worth shit and disappearing would not affect anyone. That’s what you believe. I took around 7,000mg of Valium, injected 300iu of insulin, cut myself up to shit and walked off to die alone. I didn’t want my family to find me and I didn’t want to be saved.
By chance an ambulance passing by where I had collapsed on the park noticed me unconscious and began trying to resuscitate me but they couldn’t get my blood sugar up. I ended up in a coma for 5 days and during this time they attempted to bring me round three times but I would not respond. At this stage they warned my family I may be brain damaged if I do come round. Obviously I did come round and spent a further 4 days in hospital. I had to learn how to walk again with Physio and I had serious delirium that was scary as hell. I will never really know what was real and what was a hallucination. The staff at ICU, HDU and on the wards were amazing and they saved my life. For the first time since 15 I could appreciate life and I had value for it. So ultimately by almost losing, I have come back stronger than ever because the value I have for life means I will never attempt to take my own life again. That along with the coping mechanisms I have learnt.
There are coping mechanisms that will enable you to tackle the problem before it can really get a grip on you. For years I accepted my depression came in waves and there was no real trigger. I would just feel really shit one day and it could get better or worse from there. I would try to cope by telling myself it’s just a wave and will pass. This is easier said than done and obviously it failed eventually.
Depression wants to kill you and it will attack you in every way it can and if it gets you down it’ll find it very easy to keep you down. Now I hate this attitude ‘don’t let it beat you’. That’s fucking bullshit and never said by somebody who has truly suffered… you’ve had a shit day or a few, you’re not depressed. You can’t just decide not to let it beat you but you can fight a good fight until it leaves you alone (for now).
Now the thing I have learned from my experience and the help from the psychiatric team afterwards is to spot early signs and by early, for me it can be a thought out of place that would usually lead to deeper, darker thoughts. Usually it starts with regret or guilt or feelings of failure. It happened to me a few weeks ago whilst in the car with Codie and immediately I said to her I can feel myself getting depressed. Just by talking about it there it built up a resistance and nothing more came of it. In the past I would have become fixated on that thought and eventually without anyone around me being aware the depression would have manifested itself to a point where it would be difficult to get rid of.
These ramblings are my own experiences and not a science but I do hope by being open and honest that people can relate and most importantly seek help.”
If you would like to discuss anything that is concerning you right now then please do feel free to get in touch with us. Like I said we are here to lend an ear if you need to talk about something and of course everything will be kept confidential.